Something About Me and Loving Yourself

Study me as much as you like, you will not know me. For I differ in a hundred ways from what you see me to be. Put yourself behind my eyes and see me as I see myself, for I have chosen to dwell in a place you cannot see.

As I know that this was supposed to be for the first blog, but let me live doing it as my seventh blog. I wouldn’t be revealing too much about me, I mean lets just be a little low profile. You probably just know that I am a girl who is currently 17 years old, and a student. I opened up a new chapter on August 8 and it went pretty well.. I guess. Just guessing okay?

Anyways, I am a girl who think a lot and someone who wants more than just a thing. As an example, I wouldn’t had enough with only two chocolates, give me more until it’s finished. But, regarding people giving me food, I don’t usually do the same. I prefer having it all to me, that’s just how greedy I am. Unless, you asked permission to have it then it’s all good. I am student, and English is not my first language. So, sometimes I have a hard time trying to explain things. No lies, but I actually talked too much in English rather than mother language. It’s very complicated though, like I am just that dumb. Mostly, I mixed my languages while I am talking. People have to deal with it, and they had to act like they understand me. Nice shot. Other than that, I also have many kind of things that I like to do. A difference with love, what? I don’t know. Things that I like to do is, taking random pictures. Yeah, well my highlights would be the sky, my family, friends or outfits. Best shot would always be my outfit, okay that self-appreciation. Besides taking picture, I do workout during my free time. Not really, it depends on how boring my day could be. I mean it’s not a daily routine, I’d workout once a week or even once a month or so other months. I am just cool like that, no offense. By the time, I finished doing my workout. I would eat a piece of cake, I don’t care anymore. Since, we have cakes at home so why not? They are meant to be eaten not to be kept, duh. I am the type of person that would easily be motivated, but also fast at being demotivated. As I said, I am complicated. I have attended 6 schools before, transferring here and there like a ping pong ball. But never was smart like Einstein after attending 6 schools. The current one is the sixth one, imagine graduating and going to another school. Mom, be proud of me, I made it!

Moving on, I am highly introvert but I am also an extrovert. How the hell did I happened to be that complicated? Okay, other than being both -vert. I love trying out new things, I love the thoughts of me being someone independent soon, the thoughts of me graduating and traveling. Wow. I love having money in my wallet, I don’t know, even two dollar make me feel happy. Hey, I worked my best to get allowance. I have many fears, not that I am traumatic or what. It’s just a fear that made me want to get over with, I don’t know if you call it phobia or what. I have fear of heights, but I actually don’t mind being in flight.. On air. It is not that, I am very scared of it. Um, whatever. Lets not get into the complicated side of me. Trust me, I have never tried playing roller coaster, bungee jumping, viking. Bro, I have ever been to the amusement park. I never ride the rides there, sucks to be me, I know right. Not even merry-go-around, not even the freaking Ferris Wheel or even the normal swings. So yeah, I wasted money breathing the air of amusement park without riding any. Plus, the rides used to be boring. Nothing much like the Disneyland. Up until last year, I guess, they renovate the place. It was totally awesome now, what I mean by awesome is that, the placed becomes more packed now and people started to complain about the price. Kendrick Lamar said, “Sit down, be humble”

Despite that, I have asked my friends on how do they think of me during our first meeting. We’ve known in Facebook, but I was being unappreciated back then, a friend of mine tried not to be my friend. Boom! Look what happened, we’ve become friends. Though, we changed our class and become more distant with each other. I’ve become closer to few of my classmates. I wasn’t the most favorite classmate ever, but never was the most hated. I guess. I mean, I don’t mingle in everywhere randomly. We have been together for almost three years, and we started to become closer by the end of 2016. Mostly of us though, I haven’t expand my circle since I was young. I would either have two to three friends. Sometimes, I tried to be comfortable with the others. Most of the time, I found myself comfortable being alone. But since it’s my final year in school, so I decided to mingle in everywhere with my classmates. My classmates are extras, sometimes I don’t even know how normal they used to be. Back to it, I have apply on my resting-bitch face and some would say I look very intimidating. I have different kind of personalities, attitudes, faces and sometimes I can never accept you in my friend-list. Some would say I am a rude person, cold and someone who is judgemental. I wouldn’t deny that, but some would say I am outgoing, funny and a meme. I won’t deny that, I mean I am just that type of person only to certain people. If I treated you nicely, you should be lucky. Because I don’t accept people easily and be nice to them 24/7. My friends? They should feel appreciated though. Except for someone, I was being called with a rude word for breathing and I wouldn’t easily be nice to her or even acted like a lovely friend. Duh. I wouldn’t be appreciating someone who call me names differently and hate me for being nice.

Other than that, I am also someone who is pretty short. I sleep late, so you know, I have dark circles and eye bags. They are cheap Gucci, only cheap for me since I created it. I also have acne, scars and double chin. I used to be chubby since 2008 if I am not mistaken, then I started to lose weight around 2010 or 2012. I don’t know what made me lose it, but for all I remember, I joined basketball club. Then, I quit to join the cooking club. Legend of putting food as her priority. I mean, you can eat without paying since you’re cooking. Besides that, I wanted to be a fashion designer but nah. Some parts of me, wants to travel around the world after my school ends. But depends on the money I have though. Luck never stays loyal with me.

I know that this blog is getting random as I am that kind of person. I am either weird or random, nothing close to normal but always a lame person. Boring? Yeah, that’s me. Anyways, whoever you are. You have to appreciate yourself. If you wanna get surgery, do so. If you wanna try out new things, do so. If you wanna go out to the gym, do so. Enjoy living with food and do not like working out, do so. You do you, you own yourself, why do other people have to point out things and make you feel insecure? If it makes you happy, then that’s it right? You have your rights to be happy with your looks, body and any other things. Like me, I love myself too much that I took over 50 pictures of me. I appreciate myself nowadays. My only insecurity is my dark circle, it’s the highlight on my face. I mean I am ugly, but the dark circle made me look ten times uglier than normal. I even laughed when my teacher said I am getting fatter. I love me. That’s how I appreciate myself, its normal. Anyways, no matter how other people think of you and say about you, and tell you that you’re ugly. No, you’re not. I believe that you’re good-looking. It doesn’t matter how you changed your looks, go out with make-up on, or try your best to be better for someone. You still are good-looking and worth everything. Don’t make them feel sorry for you to have different looks, feel sorry for them that they are jealous and minding you more than themselves. Beyond The Scene said, Love Yourself.

“Fall in love with taking care of yourself. Mind. Body. Spirit”

“Worry about loving yourself, instead of loving the idea of other people loving you” – Kush and Wizdom

“Nobody can make you happy until you’re happy with yourself first”

Happiness

Don’t let anyone ever dull your sparkle. Don’t let stupid things break your happiness. Don’t let negative and toxic people rent space in your head, raise the rent and kick them out.

You know that there would always be the time where you just want to scream out loud to the whole world, and you felt like it would be nice that people can hear you from where you’re standing. Sometimes, it feels like wanting to go on a mountain or even at the beach. Maybe, even singing out loud in you room or toilet would’ve help too. It may or may not feel great, but I wanted to do it, telling the world that how my life is going and how it feels like to be happy. Some other time, some people would go to the gym and workout. I would be that some people. I would just unfold a yoga mat and workout in my room to make myself feel better, ends it with a yoga to calm myself down. But, I quit a long time ago thinking that I am a lazy-ass person who hates being in sore and I eat more. Obviously, eating > workout.

For me, finding myself happy is very hard. Trying to be happy was easy, but going home crying in my room? It feels trashy. You were holding in your tears, you decided to laugh it out loud and pretend that you’re enjoying life. Some would even thought that you’re doing fine and wonder why they’ve never seen you being down. Some would also realized that you’re lying to everyone even yourself. And I, love the people who realized it. They would actually make you feel better, take you out and let you have your time to tell them whats bothering you. They would actually love to see you laugh and smile over being sad and quiet. I appreciate these people who loves to see their friends or whoever being happy rather than bringing them down more and thinking its fun to see them crying. I mean, I’m rude just like that where I laughed at them but I love helping them. OH! And also, people who actually care about other people more than themselves, that’s great. They sacrificed their time to comfort their sad buddy and tried to make that buddy feels better. God, I just love people like that. Any other time, we have this ‘your pain is my happiness’ where friends laughed at you for falling down but they reached out their hands to help you. Man, I just love surrounding myself with people who made me laughed for all day.

Being happy can be found in different kind of ways. It doesn’t matter what kind of happiness it is to you, either you think it is based on you make your highlight pops or you got your new games. Things won’t always be the same for different genders, girls would be happy seeing their make up goes well with their outfit and eyebrows on point or maybe playing with animals made their day. Boys would be happy, well I don’t really know, but they would when they play FIFA game with their buddies and made a goal. Okay, whatever. As I said, you can find happiness in any kind of things you think it would made you happy. Whoever think it is very stupid, they’re jealous to see you happy over a small thing. Happiness would come when you see free food on table after a long day, or when someone get your bath ready for unknown reason. Happiness can also based on how you enjoy your day laughing about your friends choking while talking, or even when you came back from somewhere and straightly go to your bed. Normal, but sometimes seeing a notification from your crush. Yes, it helps to make your day better. Remember that, what makes you happy, don’t let anyone crushed it down. You deserves enjoying it happily without minding about what other people say. They’re bitter for you.

And I am happy over a small thing, like sleeping and reading comic when it is raining outside. Having coffee, staying on bed like dead corpse and listening to music would just made my day even better. I am not really a person who like to move a lot, for Pete’s sake, I would just complain about moving a lot and getting tired. Unless, I feel like moving, I would. To the other side of my bed, yes. Regarding on what made my day, as I am writing this blog with the title Happiness is because my father just made me laughed during our dinner. I have been on a very bad week, like this week just don’t make me feel better. Up until today, I was just stuck in my room after coming home from school and coming out from my room after taking a power nap to receive a question “do you want to eat?” and I said yes as I was nodding. It sucks to be right during your period week, but thanks to my parents, I feel better during our dinner. I just wished that the cramps won’t last longer, but wow, I just had to make myself a hot coconut coffee to make it feel just fine. Right! About this coconut coffee. I have wanting to show it off.

So my older sister just came back from her vacation, she bought saffron tea and coconut coffee for us. I’m the type of person who just love to try out new thing, especially when it comes to food or even a brand new drink, like its better than what not. I prefer having coffee than tea, so I tried out the coconut coffee and it tastes good. The coconut doesn’t really had the strong taste, but it goes well with the coffee. It’s rare to have the fruity coffee flavor here. It just made me feel happy to drink it, but I am young to consume coffee more than 1 per day. Funny thing, I feel sleepy rather than wide awake drinking coffee that even my power nap was for 4 hours, it was good. I have had enough rest and I am willing to sleep again since I just feel like I deserves having my beauty sleep after a month or whatever exam. Guess what!!!

I told you to guess, have I not? Well, I know its too early to be happy but I have 149 days for me to be legal. I just couldn’t wait for it, I mean who wouldn’t be happy to be out from school while others have to wake up early for school and work, yet you can just sleep in. Taking a driving class, and drive around the district. Seriously, I don’t need this driving class or be out from school since I need a vacation. Like for real, I have been wanting to get out and have fun in another country. Eating different kind of food, watching people singing at the street, dancing or you can easily say go to a concert. Wouldn’t that be a great thing? It would be one. Enjoying a day singing with your favorite band, like I can just sing any song by BTS (Beyond The Scene) with them during their concert. ARMY, where y’all at? Plus minus, I just couldn’t wait to celebrate my friend’s birthday in 154 days. I mean, we may not be friend anytime longer, but lets just hope we would and enjoy it for the time being. Phew, I am just nice like that.

Anyhow, if you think that you looked stupid for being happy just even watching the sky. You’re not. It doesn’t really matter about what kind of thing you’re happy about, if you’re happy about it, then that’s it. You don’t have to care about other people, not even your boyfriend/girlfriend can destroy your happiness just by saying something that can bring you down. I mean, if they actually love you, your happiness would make them love you more. Only bitter people would never let you be happy, unless they are above you or unless your happiness are lower than theirs. People need to know that everyone deserves to be happy. Why do we have to destroy someone’s happiness just to see them crying? If I ever did that, I would just feel guilty and I considered myself as an asshole (no matter girl or boy, still I feel like one). Making someone’s happiness go down in drain won’t make you happy. They say, “Don’t ruin other people happiness just because you can’t find your own” and I think it is true. By taking other people happiness and sticking a smile on your face, you’re just the same. Someone who is actually sad and try to be happy and especially someone who lie to not just anybody else but also to yourself. You need to cherish everything to be happy, you need to make yourself happy before making anyone else happy. You need to love yourself before anybody else could. You, yourself is important. Never let anyone say any something rude to you for being happy.

Listening to, “What?! You’re happy because you can see the sky? God, that’s pathetic. I mean I would understand if you’re happy because Halloween is coming” — that is just plain dumb. Being happy to see the sky isn’t pathetic, because not everyone can see it. We need to appreciate with what we have, unlike some other people. They can’t see, blind people would have a hard time. Do you think yourself is cool to say something like that to blind people? If you do then, you’re pathetic and very rude. As I have written on my blog over and over again, you deserves to be happy. Everyone does. Animals can be happy too. Cherish every moment because it might not last longer.

“The key of being happy is knowing you have the power to choose what to accept and what to let go” – Dodinsky.

Happiness is a state of mind, a choice, a way of living; it is not something to be achieved, it is something to be experienced” – Dr. Steve Maraboli