Improving and Inspiration!

The road to success comes through hard work, determination and sacrifice. Success is not built on success. It’s built on failure. It’s built on frustration. Sometimes its built on catastrophe.

Before I start off my things related to the title. I would loved to tell you that I am not a person who loves to study, not even close to become someone who actually like to go to school. I mean, I do, but I hate waking up early. Overall, I am the type of person who would study last minute. Like, a day or two before exam starts, I worked my ass off to study until late night. There would be a 50-50 chances of passing or failing and I did both at once. Nothing to be proud of! But, that’s who I am.

I used to study during the exam day, like if today’s my exam and that’s the day where I’ll study. Guess what? I have failed one subject and pass the others. Might say, a legend but no. That was like, in 2014, so yeah. Deserves an award for studying during the day and passing almost all of the subjects yet graduating with ‘Rank 1, Aggregate 21’. Don’t doubt a lazy-looking person, like me. Hey, I exposed my result. Moving on! We had our first exam during April 2017, I guess, I couldn’t remember the month but it sucks. I failed 6 subjects and credit 2 subjects. Which happens to be English and Commerce, I’m taking the papers as a joke. So what happened was, I’m not ready and I didn’t study because I was seriously not in my mind back then. We got our results and rankings, I was ranked in the last place. No jokes, I’m for real. I felt like I was such a disgrace and I thought negatively of myself. I couldn’t even pretend to be sad about it, plus I was out of the country back then, so I was mentally prepared for all scolds and such others. I have no one to blame on, it was entirely my fault. However, learn your own mistakes, without relying on other people.

Improvements! Recently, my class received our qualification exam papers. We have 8 subjects in total, and I won’t talk about my classmates.. just me. As I mentioned, I failed 6 subjects for our first exam and pass only 2 subjects. The qualifying exam was based on more likely to a payments exam, if you failed a subject, you have to pay for it. I am not sure how the system works but we have to pay. Again, I didn’t study. I did! But not as much as I would, I studied a little for an hour during nighttime. Not to forget, I attended goal-programmed (an extra class for the chosen students of how we can improved our studies, if I am not mistaken) and recently, I was chosen for the peer-coaching programmed (a Friday class for the chosen students where teachers have trust of us having 5 credits and above in O Level) — Not saying the others couldn’t, it is a way of how they want us to study and got credit/pass in the subject we are weak in, I assumed. I used to attend tuition but I quit. Reason was, I have packed schedules and I know that the more we study the more improvements we get. I couldn’t take it, so I think highly of the two programs that I have. Goal and Peer. I make the two programs as the path of helping me to improve my studies and result.

And so, with the classes I have attended. I never felt like, it was demotivating at all. Instead, I took it as a moment of where I would be grateful that I am chosen as one of the students where they believed that I can improved and achieved a better result. Back to the moment of where I said, I didn’t study. I seriously, didn’t study. We had school holidays, then two weeks or three, we have our examination and I wasn’t ready. I was still in my holiday moment. By saying I improved a lot, yes I did. No lies, I may have zero evidence but hey, my juniors or schoolmates are reading my blogs quietly as I am publishing it on public. As a senior, I wouldn’t dare to say something that seems pathetic by reality and on social media. Yet, as a senior, keeping up the good image to your juniors is a must. I wouldn’t know who and when they are reading this, but I would only say thank you for reading. Again, I improved in few subjects. Math, Geography, English and Malay. As for the others, I would almost get a pass. I have like 5 marks or more to get a pass or even better, credit. For someone who didn’t love Math, she made it. I made it. If I’m not mistaken, my overall during the first exam wasn’t even close to 20% which is a total failure. Now, I have 49% for both papers, again.. If I am not mistaken. As for Geography, my eyes shed tears in silence. I went seriously from a low marks up to the highest than before. A short story, I was in 11th place, but since I corrected the calculations of my papers for Geography, I had moved up to 9th out of 23 students. I am satisfied.

So basically, that is the part of my improvements. Then, I would sincerely say that I may not be the best senior, but I did my best to show you my best side. I may also not be the senior that you are looking up to, but I am the senior who is wishing for the best of you in everything.

Inspiration! There are no specific reason on why I started writing blogs, I just feel like sharing something. I am not the kind of person who can say something out loud, I found it really hard to do so. I also quit writing fiction stories, because it wasn’t my type to write something up on my imaginations. Especially, when my brain won’t make any good ideas of better story-line. Writing blogs, I actually wrote it based on my mood, feelings and what I wanted to say. New Chapter, was based on how I learned to accept things and telling the public how I am changing myself into someone better than before. Happiness, was based on how I finally started to feel happy like a little kid who have received a chocolate for being good and how I wanted to tell people that there’s nothing wrong on being happy over a small thing. Goodbye, it was actually dedicated to someone who I used to love.. currently I still am loving him but I am starting to walk away because it is for the better and how I couldn’t help but keeping the memories of us as everything started to fade. Better By Times, it is about how I am getting better by days. Believing myself that I am stronger and I can do it. It is related to Goodbye. Childhood, was a random blog that I came up with, because last night I was reminiscing about it and the thoughts of being a kid once again just made me feel like writing it.

This is another random blog that appeared out of nowhere, and yet published to public because I am in the mood of writing a new blog, perhaps blogs. I may not be the best author of making blogs, but as I have told you, I am writing based on the moment I am in or feels. A little update: I am slowly recovering from my heartbreak and finally started to feel better by my own. I am breathing the good air without someone. Last but not least, I would loved to thank those who read my blogs silently. You may or may not support me, but I really do hope that everything you have or achieving right now will be the better ones. Do have a very great day!

 

“The master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried” – Anonymous.

“Don’t worry about failures, worry about the chances you miss when you don’t even try” – Jack Canfield.

New Chapter

Don’t be afraid to start over, it’s a brand new opportunity to rebuild what you truly want.

I have deleted my old blogs, to start a ‘new’ one as a starter of my new chapter. Though chapters started in every each new year, or maybe depends on how you want it. I’ll make my new chapter based on how I finally learn to accept different kind of things that has ever happened to me; past, present and future which about to come by tomorrow or so. The things that only matter right now is just that I have to live my life perfectly like how normal teenagers would. At the age of 17, still illegal and had to wait for the moment of being legal and not really a rebel. I just need to be a year older to certify myself as someone who can drive and go to places that I have been wanting to go.

Though only some can relate, but being a student sure is a pain in the ass. Trying to manage time perfectly both at school and home. Free times? Yeah, try filling it in with studies and staying at home with no vacation for the whole year. Oh, remember when I used to reveal that 2017 will be the end of my semester in high school? It will be in two more months. I’m going to spend days and nights with only cramping in my room to study for the sake of leaving the school with better result and graduating. It is a dream to be up on stage, shaking hand, being certified as a student with ‘I-Don’t-Know’ result but still coming out awesome, I hope.

Truth to be told, I have been improving a lot in my studies, except for some subjects. Well hey, I did much better now. I realized that back in July, I woke up 2 A.M up until 4 A.M just to study, but it doesn’t work well since my body needs enough rest and my brain does need it too, but you know I am just a lazy-ass person. Lately, my mood is off due to how my exam finished and receiving a very satisfying-but-not result. Honestly, I want to have a satisfying result unlike how I want during my first exam, but since now it’s a payment kind of exam. If I have failed 2 subjects, I have to pay with the amount given and where do I get money easily as a student? Hey! enough with school related. Lets go back to driving.

Here in my place, the legal age minimum to drive is 18 years old. Who wouldn’t be happy to have their own car, leaving school, going around whenever you want? I mean, it wouldn’t be an easy task, but they say practice makes perfect. I might be picking up my friends at anytime, go to my sister’s place which is far from where I am, I can go to Starbucks to have my coffee (well, only if I am lazy to make myself one). What sucks more is that, I have to drive myself to work every workdays. Though it won’t last longer, as I am planning to apply college. I don’t really mind going to work, but lets not get to that level yet. I am willing to study until where I can, damn really? I guess. There are reasons on why I am working and willing to continue my studies. Work; I could have my own salaries, I can give half to my parents as a gratitude for everything they’ve done to me since young. Paying my fees, clothing, food and such others. School; It’s where I can go further away with my dream and giving all my best to reach for the brightest star in the night sky (I cringed). First thing first, I haven’t decide on what to be. Fashion designer, photographer or any other. I have been too caught up with my school that I couldn’t have the time to think about my future or next decision after school.

And! To become a new person, not really, just a person who finally accept things that what I am going through has already gone through by some people. Like how we had to go school in the early morning, such things. Everyone already had this ‘been there, done that’ situation. Break up, failure, mistakes but they carry on with their life. Living it without taking care of their past because they know that it can’t be done correctly once again. Like how a glass fell, broken into pieces, not even glue would help to attach it perfectly back in one piece. I have much respects for the people who had the courage to live their life perfectly by times, having fun without caring about what other people say, and mostly those who succeed in everything with what they achieved. They’re living amazing.

It is too early, but I have plan things that I wanted to do after my exam ends. Having almost 4 months of holidays while waiting for my result, I couldn’t just sit down properly. I couldn’t wait to spend days of vacation with my family. Going out doing activities with my girlies, only one planned to go out with me for now (but let just say -lies so I don’t look like a picky person though I am not but oh well). ALSO! god, I am too happy to write this blog about how I feel, so!! I just did let out everything that I have been keeping by myself on my Instagram account. No lies, it was a little challenging because I have 1k followers. I haven’t post something with a very long caption. Most of these people who follow me, I either know them or it could be the otherwise. No close friendship, just normal. It caught a lot of attention as where some asked me if I am fine or not, but hella yes I feel special for the night. It was my very first time, telling something to people that I don’t know very well about whats disturbing me. After what happened last night, I am starting to let things go on its own. Whoever stays with me, I’ll let them stay. Whoever leave me behind, I’ll let them walk away. Whatever makes me happy, I’ll appreciate the moment and hoping that it will last longer.

With sincerity of writing a new chapter of mine or writing this blog about how I feel, I just want to make myself feel better and hoping that days would end perfectly fine. My hopes in 2017 would never change, it’ll stay having improvement in studies, better result, family/friends vacation, graduation under ‘Year 11; Class of 2017’ and last but not least, to make my family proud of who I am.

I’d like to congratulate myself for making my so first-ever blog looks or sounds happy. But, there is nothing wrong with moving on making your life better. You deserves to be happy too!

“Nurture your mind with great thoughts. To believe in the heroic makes heroes” -Benjamin Disraeli.